Homemade Praline Butter

Let me start by saying that there is nothing healthy about this. It’d be like calling carrot cake healthy because there are carrots in it and carrots are a vegetable; it just doesn’t work that way.

Let me second start by saying that if you don’t know what pralines are, I’m sorry. You should get yourself to the south (Charleston, Savannah, and New Orleans are good options) and get one as soon as possible because you are seriously missing out. I regret the first 22 years of my life that were tragically pralineless.

And now that we’re covered the basics, it’s time to get serious about praline butter.

These are praline pecans:

For anyone wondering, I got them at Coscto, and they are sugar coated pecans. And I mean sugar-coated. If you look at the list of ingredients, it goes “sugar, pecans, brown sugar.” That means there is more sugar in the sugar-coated pecans than there is pecans. And that’s even before they get to the brown sugar. This is why praline butter cannot be considered healthy, by any stretch of the imagination.

But there’s good news! Making it took literally one ingredient (see praline pecans pictured above) and about ten minutes. Yes, it’s really that easy. And it’s amazing. I have no clue what I’m going to put it on and it doesn’t even matter because I JUST MADE PRALINE BUTTER, GET IT IN MY MOUTH.

So how does this work? Well, you take your desired amount of praline pecans (I used 8 oz, which theoretically would have been about two cups but I was too lazy to measure) and stick them in a food processor (or a blender!). Then you turn that baby on and let it run until it’s smooth and creamy. This WILL require patience. It’s worth it, I promise. I think I ran mine for about eight minutes, and I probably should have done it a bit longer if I really wanted it to be smooth, but it was delicious enough that I didn’t care.

That’s it. Yep, it’s so simple that I didn’t even put it in recipe format because that would have felt silly. And the good news is that if you really wanted it to be healthy, you could just use normal pecans to do the exact same thing (toast them first if they aren’t already!). But trust me, you want the praline version.

One ounce of this has 160 calories, so using blind logic and guessing, two tablespoons, which is the standard serving of nut butter, would have around 190. But most of the calories come from sugar, so seriously, don’t trick yourself into believing this is healthy. It’s not. But it does taste like butterflies, rainbows, and unicorns.

(Note: This is so unhealthy that I couldn’t even talk myself into filing it under “Eat Well,” because it is not an example of eating well. Instead, I’ve put it under “Find Your Passion.” Because yeah, I’m passionate about this stuff. It’s that good.)

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One thought on “Homemade Praline Butter

  1. Pingback: Homemade Nut Butters | Because Adult.

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