Chivalry

Unpopular opinion alert: I do not like chivalry. It’s unnecessary, inefficient, and sometimes it straight up creeps me out. Unfortunately, I live in the South. And the South is ALL ABOUT chivalry.

I’ve been saying for a while now that I was going to start a blog with all of the stupid ways men have insisted on holding the door open for me since I moved here, but then I realized I already have a blog and starting a new one that would only occasionally get posted on would be pretty silly.

So that brings me here, to this post, where I will be sharing some of my favorite dumb ways men have insisted on holding the door open for me. Onward!

  1. I get to a door. I open the door and start walking through it. As is customary, I look behind me to see if there is anyone there so I don’t shut the door in a hypothetical person’s face. I see a man, so I continue to hold the door open behind me. Man walks partway through, sticks foot in front of door, effectively holding it open for me with his foot, and then waits for me to walk away before he continues through the doorway.
  2. I walk up to a door. I am going into the building, so I open the door for myself. Then I see there is a man who’s leaving the building, so I step aside and hold the door so that he can get through first. Man goes most of the way through, then proceeds to reach over my head to hold the door, thereby forcing me to duck under his arm to get into the building.
  3. I approach a set of double doors. A man is approaching at the same time, but is definitely going to reach them a few seconds after me. I get to the doors, open the one of the left (because he is approaching on the right), and start walking through. The man arrives at the doors, opens the one on the right, and proceeds to stand there and hold it for me, even though I had already opened and was walking through my own. You’re too late, bro.
  4. There is a door. There is me, about to enter a building through said door. There is a man, about to exit the building through said door. Man is carrying food, so I prepare to open the door for him since he doesn’t have hands available. Man hits handicap button to open the door automatically, so I change plans and step aside to allow him through. Man goes most of the way through, then holds the door for me with his arm. Please note that this door was holding itself open. Because that’s what handicap buttons do to doors.

Men of the South. Seriously. I am capable of opening and holding doors. These are just silly. Please stop making fools of yourselves in the name of being polite. Ok, great. 🙂

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